2004-06-20 - 3:37 p.m.

i'm dating this guy who is about 5 inches shorter than me. and i don't care so much.. i'm not a real shallow person as much as i may sound. i care about him a lot.. but he makes me feel so big.

i want to feel delicate and small, but when you're so much bigger than someone it's really hard to do. so i find myself not eating around him... i spent the weekend with him and barely ate. the first day he was waiting for me to eat and so he didn't eat the entire day and almost passed out. i felt so bad, i made him eat a lot the next day.

it's hard not to feel gargantuan next to him. and so i lose weight. but i don't even think that will fix it. i know it's stupid, and i hope it doesn't kill the relationship.. my need to feel small.

add water - stir