2004-06-24 - 4:38 p.m.

my therapist is trying to get me to go to a doctor for a checkup. she keeps telling me she won't throw me in a hospital, but i was never really worried about that.

she wants me to change my goals from a number to a muscle tone goal, but i told her it's all about the number. i can't change that.. it just is and i know she couldn't understand that.

she also says she wants me to get to a "healthy weight" which is weird because she's never said anything about my weight being unhealthy before. maybe i shouldn't have worn a tank top today. i don't understand how she could think of me as at an unhealthy weight though when i so obviously have so much fat still on me. i'm going to start working out though and tone my ass up. my skin is loose from losing and gaining weight so much, it's gross.

add water - stir