2004-06-30 - 7:30 p.m.

i'm averaging 3-4 b/p's a day. this is not good. i may as well just flush all my money straight down the toilet, because at least that way i'd be skinny. i keep losing and gaining the same 3lbs over and over, it's putting my head in a spin so i don't weigh everyday for now.

-the odds and ends of 3 bags of chips

-2 bowls of granola with fat free strawberry yogurt

- rice mixed with salsa

- 2 veggie sandwiches

i'm actually still working on the 2nd sandwich right now. earlier today i bought almost $10 worth of mcdonalds and b/ped that. the worst thing is i'm a vegetarian. it makes me feel like shit about myself.

my boyfriend is playing computer games instead of hanging out with me tonight, and it makes me wonder if he's starting to believe me when i told him he desearves better than me. and inside me somewhere i know that's probably not it, but ever since my brother died i would rather spend ever second i can around people i love and care about. time is short, and you never know who will be around tomorrow.

add water - stir