2004-08-06 - 3:27 p.m.

i saw my therapist for the first time in 3 weeks.

she wants me on meds to help me stop. i actually admitted i want to stop.. but really i just want to stop this b/p shit. i'm so afraid of meds.. i'm so afraid of messing with my brain's chemicals.

i think i'm mostly afraid of handing the control over though. saying yes maybe i am too fucked up to do this on my own. admitting that i'm broken, which is not something i do to other people too often.

and what if it DOESN'T work??

where would i be then?

what hope would i have left?

add water - stir