2004-09-09 - 9:27 a.m.

my period is a month late.

i got so freaked out that i had my ex-boyfriend go with me to the dept. of health to get a pregnancy test.. but luckily it was negative. the only thing i found out was that i'm anemic.

logically, i'm far too fat to lose my period again. i've been eating and keeping down more than i have in months and months and months. although since all the stress of losing my period, it has been more.

it still doesn't change the fact that i'm becoming a huge blob and have done nothing but gain weight (although i have been too scared to weigh myself).

i want to go balls out, losing weight. but honestly i don't know if i have that much energy to put towards hurting myself right now. here's a secret.. i hate being hungry. i've spent so much of my life being hungry that i simply despise it. everytime i eat something.. actually keep it down, and then my stomach growls hours later i get angry and frustrated. it seems like my body only wants more and more.

add water - stir