2004-09-24 - 12:38 p.m.

right now i'm eating my "filler". It's tomato soup with extra water, rice, frozen peas, and frozen corn mixed in. really bulky, really cheap, not too fattening.. when my roommate sees me eating it i wonder what she thinks.. it's not the kind of thing you'd make for other people.
and my plan is to purge.. because that's always the plan. and honestly i want to not eat not eat not eat. buti i have to be in the right state of mind. i haven't been eating that much lately except when i purge.. i think it's cause i've been in such a bad state of mind. i don't think i've lost any weight though. i really can't tell. i've kind of accepted the fact i'm a horrible judge of my own weight, and unless my stomach is sunken in then i feel fat.
i feel fat.
my ribs hurt from doing yoga without a mat. i think i bruised them pretty badly, it hurts when i laugh or touch them.
where is the hope?

add water - stir