2004-10-09 - 6:38 p.m.

All day I've felt like my eyes were just sunken holes in my face, translucent.. I felt like I was casting a souless gaze wherever I looked.

I feel so empty. Today I've done nothing but b/p, and go to the store to get food. I'm such a waste.

I'm thinking about calling my therapist and asking for a referral to someone who actually knows something about eating disorders.. instead of listening to her talk about how much worse anorexia is than bulimia. I probably won't do it though. She didn't even call me back when I cancelled the last appointment I had with her a month ago.

I felt like I was going to faint in the video store. My body tingled and my head floated light. A dull headache set the tone and I just kept thinking 'let me get outside'. And once I was outside I let the cool autumn breeze take me back to my car.

Sometimes I feel like I was made for this. My body is so amazingly sturdy. But days like today I just wonder how long I can keep this up and not go into debt or die.

add water - stir