2004-11-05 - 11:51 a.m.

It's like slowly going blind...

when i'm starving. The colors fade out to brown and then gray. The world darkens and peripheral vision wanes. The whole world is closing in until I can start bingeing.

I can't stop. My stomach is bloated outwards with gas and god knows what else. I can't stand the feeling. Feeling so fat, being so fat. Last night I kept purging but nothing came out. After a certain amount the food was cemented to the bottom of my stomach. A bodily revolt against me. I kept gagging and my eyes kept watering, but nothing. I couldn't get enough water. All night long I chugged bottle after bottle and still my mouth was sticky and dry.

Today I pay for it. 5lbs. What is wrong with me? I hope this doesn't stick. I'm just a fucking fatass.. why.

add water - stir