2004-12-20 - 2:57 p.m.

At a party last weekend there was a girl who had met me about 2 years ago. She told me it seemed like I had grown a foot. When she first met me for some reason she thought I was really short.. then went on to explain that I just seemed so small in general, short, skinny, quiet. So, so small. And now I seem so tall to her, so much bigger and more alive.
How am I supposed to take that?

I guess I was a lot more shy when I first met her.. thats how I explained it at the time.

Note to self: must quit getting drunk and telling people I'm 20lbs underweight and have food issues in retaliation to them telling me I'm beautiful. They're just trying to be nice.. not hear why I don't think I am.

My heart is breaking. I don't know how I thought I would be strong enough to do christmas by myself this year. Although I didn't have that much of a choice. I saw my single stocking hanging on the fireplace at my parents empty house and I cried the whole way home.

Going to see my therapist tomorrow. She was supposed to talk to the psychiatrist today about me, so I'll find out whats going on there. Also going to talk to her about my non-existant sex drive and lack of empathy as of late. Very out of character for me.. I'm naturally extremely empathetic and horny. Um.. but not at the same time. Mostly.

add water - stir