2004-12-22 - 12:09 p.m.

My therapist is still working on the psychiatrist thing. I told her I am very willing.. I realize there is really nothing else I can do. This will be the next step up. Admitting that I do have a chemical imbalance. Maybe some of this is out of my control.

She agreed the lack of sex drive is depression related. I told my ex this.. that I decided to go get checked out to go on meds.. about my symptoms.. fatigue, bad sleep, numbness, inability to concentrate or read for very long, lack of sex drive.. and his reply was "lack of sex drive?.. that doesn't sound like the dissolve I know"
it's true.

I'm sitting here stuffing rice and corn into my mouth. So bland I can't stand it. I don't want to eat it, but I continue.. pouring bbq ranch on it and shoveling on. I need the purge. Because without the purge I can't go take my shower and begin my day. Because I don't know any other way to live.

add water - stir