2004-12-29 - 6:25 p.m.

Tomorrow I start my plan to be a healthier person. To not gain weight, but to keep down fruits and veggies and get out of this b/p hell. I have to admit.. this is mostly out of a desire to save money and time. I do not have enough of either. I am sick of avoiding people, and not spending enough time with my dog.. b/ping takes up SO much of my time.

I decided this.. and then go for my last blowout b/p.

And then I take a shit and the blood thing happens again. Only worse. I didn't tell my therapist about this last time when I went in.. I might next time. I didn't lose a lot of blood I don't think. I feel ok, it just happened a few minutes ago.

She already wants me to see a doctor.. I told her I'd think about it, but doubtfully I'd go. I still don't want to. My doctor told me that I'm in "the danger zone" with my weight and symptoms. She asked me if I was losing my hair yet.. and I wanted to be like.. yet? I've been losing it for a long time.

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist for the end of January.

Heres to getting my life together..

add water - stir