2004-12-30 - 8:48 a.m.

So far today I have had:

1 can of organic split pea soup (200 kcal)
spinich salad w/ fat free italian dressing
ungodly amounts of peanuts and pistachios

I semi-binged on the nuts. I just was so hungry I kept eating them and eating them. I'm done now though.. want to purge.. want to eat more purely to purge, but everytime I think of eating something and keeping it down it makes me realize I don't want to eat.

My stomach is making crazy gurgling noises. It kind of hurts too.

I went grocery shopping today. I actually only bought safe foods. Fruits, vegetables, and low calorie soups. It was so hard. So so hard. I want to b/p so badly. But I am keeping down the food I eat, and I don't want to be fat. I'm really afraid doing this will make me fat.

I will just remember yesterday at taco bell.. the girl gave me my order and said "you're feeding the family today I see". And all I could do was smile and walk away.. I wasn't feeding anyones family. It was just my 3rd b/p of the day.

add water - stir