2005-01-06 - 4:35 p.m.

Lately I only binge for the purge. Stuff it down quick as you can.. don't want to get caught. I'm such a liar.

And here we are back again. My roommate thinks I've quit, and I'm lying and hiding, making up excuses and taking drives purely for the need of b/p. She thinks I'm doing great, and I'm too chicken shit to tell her I'm slipping. Still doing "better" than before. At least I'm back in the realm of keeping some food down. It really is a major accomplishment.. I just can't seem to see it as a good thing.

I can't stand the weight of it all.

I'm too scared to step on the scales. Although my clothes all fit the same I feel bigger. I can't explain it, but I know you know what I mean.

p.s. My period is gone again (good thing I know I'm not pregnant. I guess a dead sex drive is good for something).

add water - stir