2005-01-29 - 9:05 p.m.

I recently lost a bunch of friends through some drama concerning my exboyfriend freaking out on me. So it's saturday night and I sit alone.. I introduced him and his roommates to all of my friends, and as I hear.. they're all over there tonight. The rest of my friends are old enough to go to the bars.. or with significant others.

And I sit alone. I b/ped once, but it wasn't satisfying at all.. I don't want to eat anymore. I don't really know what to do with myself. I'm down.

My roommate told me today I need to get help. I felt exasperated. I AM getting help. I went to the psychiatrist, hopefully the meds will start to kick in after another week and a half. She told me I need to go to a hospital if I ever really want to get better. She also said I need to tell the rest of my friends what's going on with me. It's a big circle of scary. Telling my parents, gaining weight.. failing.

Besides.. I want to be smaller first. I feel so god damn fat.

add water - stir