2005-02-04 - 10:41 a.m.

I was over at my parents house yesterday, my mother asked me if I had any dresses to give to a charity she knew was collecting and I pulled out a couple. I was holding one up.. my senior prom dress saying how pretty it was, but it'd never fit me again.

And my mother looks me over. Then she says "are you smaller than you were in highschool?"

....

I just stared for a moment. Then calmly said yea, I wear a smaller pant size. But fucking a.. I'VE LOST 50LBS SINCE HIGHSCHOOL.

How the fuck could she not notice???!? I hear this and all I hear is you're fat. Your so fat I can't tell you've lost weight. You'll always be the shy fat little girl you were in highschool. I guess this is the woman who when I was losing weight it took her 30lbs before she said i looked "a little slimmer".

It made me stop eating the pretzels I was eating though. Yesterday I had one b/p in the morning and then took my prozac with a diet pill and had a few pretzels and a salad later on. Today I think I'm going to do the same thing.. since I already b/ped.

I'd really like to go all out on some fast food because I'm feeling uber depressed about this weight comment, but I really don't have the money right now. Plus. She has strengthened my resolve to start trying to lose weight again. I haven't tried in a really long time. I've just been ok with maintaining.

I know prozac takes a long time to build up sufficient levels in the brain. I'm just so sick of waiting. I seem to just keep getting worse.

add water - stir