2005-02-06 - 11:36 p.m.

I'm sort of scared because the last couple days I've kept some stuff down. I've got a new boy and am trying to fake normalcy...

I feel fatter than ever. I have avoided weighing myself because I don 't want to upset myself too much. My pants still fit the same, but I just feel so overwhelmingly large.. I don't know what to do, it's freaking me out. I think I'll just keep taking the pills.

Today I had to keep a binge in my stomach for 30mins while my roommate got ready to leave.. she was late. My timing was awesome, but she was late. I was so relieved to purge that I smiled at how good it felt when I lifted my head, after finishing.

I'm fucked.. I'm so ready to give up.

add water - stir