2005-03-15 - 3:35 p.m.

It's all headed downhill. I'll be gone out of town for a while, so I won't be updating.

I feel like giving up. Cancelling my therapy appointments, my psychiatrist appointments, throwing out my pills and accepting myself the way I am. It's easier that way.

To say "I choose this life" rather than admit that the one thing in my life I thought I had control over really has control over me. So much easier to say "I want to be bulimic" than admit I can't stop.

My bestfriend told me her fiance says I look sick. He told her this because they were watching a home video of a party from a few weeks back, and as I'm walking about in my tank top you can see my ribs in my back and shoulders.

I told my boyfriend, but I think he sees me differently now. I know he still cares though. I had gained a couple pounds, but now I've lost them again. bmi = 16.5 I'm going to lose more. I'm starting to not eat again.

add water - stir