2005-12-02 - 9:44 a.m.

6 months since my last entry.

Lets see.. I dumped my boyfriend, got back together with my first love. Happier in that aspect of my life than I've ever been.

Hovering at a bmi of 18 for a while now. A couple days ago I cemented my resolve for losing weight again.

Pretty much after that last entry I started doing a lot of drugs. Well.. a lot of drugs for me anyway. Harder stuff than in the past. I'd never touched coke until this summer.

I'm 21 now. I have the beer belly to prove it. Back to hard alcohol with diet soda it is. How stupid of me to want to be normal, it only brings misery.

I'm not sure where to set the bar. Goals are so fleeting. For now I think I'll set my sights on 10lbs, although the temtation to weigh less than I ever have is always there. 15lbs. That's all I'd have to lose. By then I'll be well below the weight of most models my height. Not that I care. Not that I am a model.

I need to work out. Where does one go running in the Alaskan winter when they can't afford a gym membership? It's already a pretty consistent -1F here.

I'm battling another bought of acute tonsilitis. Self medicating with steriods from my last illness, and painkillers from the car accident I was in 2 weeks ago (nothing but whiplash and a broken pinky.. don't worry).

Lets see.. I'm beyond poor and had to borrow money to pay this months rent. I've been out of work for 2 months now. My new job starts on Monday.. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

add water - stir